Are You Codependent or Do You Just Have Regular Emotional Needs? (2023)

FAQs

What is the difference between emotional dependency and codependency? ›

Dependent: Both people can express their emotions and needs and find ways to make the relationship beneficial for both of them. Codependent: One person feels that their desires and needs are unimportant and will not express them. They may have difficulty recognizing their own feelings or needs at all.

When another person is having an emotional experience, empathy allows us to hold space. We can be fully present and listen. But with codependency, we lack the ability to regulate our emotions: When someone comes to us needing support, we cannot hold space.

Codependent people can confuse intensity with intimacy.

They can have a sort of craving for a person or a relationship. In a very real sense, it can be an addiction to someone.

Anxious attachment is what is most often referred to as codependent. Those with anxious attachment often feel as though they would like to be close to others or one person in particular but they worry that another person may not want to be close to them.

Is Codependency the Same Thing as Clinginess? Codependency refers to the state of needing to have another person validate you, depend upon you, and make sacrifices for you to prove their love to you. It's a dysfunctional relationship pattern that may involve clinginess when your partner isn't there.

Signs of Codependency:

A tendency to be overly responsible and not accept help. Low self-esteem or feeling superior and judgmental. A tendency to hide feelings of anger and disappointment to avoid rejection. A pattern of trying to control people, places of things.

Childhood trauma is often a root cause of codependency. They don't always result, but for many people codependent relationships are a response to unaddressed past traumas. One reason may be that childhood trauma is usually family-centered: abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or even just divorce and fighting.

The Desire for Codependency

Borderline personality disorder, however, fosters codependency, a situation where one person in a relationship relies on the other for the vast majority of their needs and desires. People with BPD often derive their sense of worth from how much other people are serving them, Lobel said.

Can you be emotionally unavailable and codependent? ›

Lack of support – it is also common for a person in a codependent relationship to be emotionally and socially isolated. After all, your time is spent trying to make the partner happy, and friends and family are often ignored or brushed off.

In a codependent relationship, one person is the giver and the other person is the taker. In a healthy relationship, the give and take is mutual. Both partners give things the other person needs.

You can let go of emotional dependency by: By becoming emotionally stronger. Staying in touch with both negative and positive emotions instead of seeking refuge in someone else the moment you feel down. Learning to be there for yourself.

The main sign of codependency is consistently elevating the needs of others above your own. Other signs include controlling behaviors, self-sacrifice, and fear of rejection. But these aren't the only ones.

What is Interdependency? Interdependency can be considered the healthy cousin of codependency. While codependency is an unequal partnership that puts one person above the other, interdependency requires both people to be able to operate autonomously.

Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.

They typically form an identity around serving others' needs. They may try to control another person's behavior, believing they know what is best for the person. Instead of praise, codependents often crave gratitude and a sense of “being needed.”

A codependent relationship is a kind of dysfunctional relationship where one person is a caretaker, and the other person takes advantage. Codependent relationships are extremely common among people with substance use issues.

Acting clingy

An individual might hold on to a relationship even though it consistently makes them feel frightened or unloved. Moreover, relational trauma can also lead people to feel and act clingy even when they're in a loving, stable relationship.

Are needy people codependent? ›

Codependents are needy, demanding, and submissive. They suffer from abandonment anxiety and, to avoid being overwhelmed by it, they cling to others and act immaturely. These behaviors are intended to elicit protective responses and to safeguard the "relationship" with their companion or mate upon whom they depend.

Within a codependent marriage, one partner has extreme emotional or physical needs, and the other partner is willing to do whatever it takes to meet those needs. The codependent is so in love, and they want that love reciprocated.

An adult child who had a codependent upbringing may have anxiety over decision-making, use passive-aggressive behavior while upset, and make personal stressors a problem for parents to solve.

A child who is raised by a codependent parent is often told their feelings and needs are not important. The child's personality is developed around the control and needs of the codependent parent. The child has no true sense of self which is discouraged by the codependent parent.

Most codependent parents form an unhealthy attachment to the child, expecting (and in some ways demanding) a sense of devotion and love from their children that is harmful and destructive.

Codependency is when two people are locked in a life where they feed off on another, causing mental anguish. Narcissism is when one of the pair is self-centered, arrogant, and lacks empathy for their partner.

Codependents often...

Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves. Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel. Freely offer advice and direction without being asked. Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.

As a result, codependents tend to fear rejection, criticism, not being good enough, failure, conflict, vulnerability, and being out of control. So, situations and people that trigger these fears can spike our anxiety.

Blame themselves for everything. Pick on themselves for everything, including the way they think, feel, look, act, and behave. Get angry, defensive, self-righteous, and indignant when others blame and criticize the codependents something codependents regularly do to themselves. Reject compliments or praise.

The codependent manipulates themselves as well. Their need for perfection keeps them going in order to avoid failure. They often have two speeds: all or nothing. Manipulating Others – Their desire for perfection often seeps onto others.

Do codependents have friends? ›

Codependent friendships can swallow you up becoming the most important relationship in your life; you might even feel like you cant live without this friendship. Healthy friendships meet the needs of both people. Its normal for there to be some imbalance in the short-term, but things should balance out over time.

Mental health experts borrowed criteria of codependent behavior from dependent personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and histrionic personality disorder.

Quiet BPD is an unofficial term for when you engage with symptoms inwardly, instead of outwardly. Share on Pinterest Sarah Mason/Getty Images. Having quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD) — aka “high-functioning” BPD — means that you often direct thoughts and feelings inward rather than outward.

Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.

If you find yourself cling to someone who really isn't deserving of you, chances are that you are being needy and the man you are seeing is emotionally unavailable. The reason for this is because often times women will specifically go after men that are emotionally unavailable, if not consciously, then unconsciously.

Detaching helps you to stay in relationship and not lose your sense of self. Detaching is similar to setting boundaries. Detaching puts healthy emotional or physical space between you and your loved one in order to give you both the freedom to make your own choices and have your own feelings.

Signs of emotional unavailability include fear of intimacy, trouble expressing emotions, and commitment anxiety. “It's not something you can fix for them, nor is it something they can quickly and easily change about themselves for you,” Jernigan says.

A codependent relationship can be one where both partners have this dysfunctional reliance on the other, or it can be totally one-sided, with only one person looking to the other, who may actually like having so much control.

A couple is likely to experience emotional drain when one member of the couple repeatedly asks for things, or imposes demands on the other partner, Dr. Dorfman says. Maybe that shows up in too many texts throughout the day, or constantly asking for favors that cause extra stress in their schedule.

Is it healthy to always want to be with your boyfriend? ›

In fact, depending on your partner to always be by your side creates an unhealthy connection. Healthy relationships thrive when two independent people unite. When you're spending every waking moment with a partner this creates a lack of boundaries, breeding enmeshment, and emotional instability.

Emotional dependency is a psychological condition in which an individual needs another person to stay happy, and is unable to take full responsibility for their feelings. One might experience grief, worry, anxiety, depression, and despair and feel powerless to nurture these emotions themselves.

Emotionally dependent people have a great lack of self-control and feel great discomfort when they are not near the person they are dependent on. They feel the insatiable need to be with that person and are unable to sever the ties that bind them.

Emotional dependency is a state of mind where a person is incapable of taking full responsibility for their own feelings. They do have emotions like sorrow, grief, heartbreak, anxiety, and depression but they cannot embrace, accept, or nurture these feelings.

Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is a type of anxious personality disorder. People with DPD often feel helpless, submissive or incapable of taking care of themselves. They may have trouble making simple decisions. But, with help, someone with a dependent personality can learn self-confidence and self-reliance.

Love versus emotional dependency.

"Love" that comes from fear isn't love—it's neediness. Emotional dependency comes from the inner emptiness that is created when you abandon yourself—and you then expect your partner to fill your emptiness and make you feel loved and safe.

In this blog post, we will discuss the four types of dependency: Independency, Interdependency, dependency, and codependency. Understanding these different types can help you identify any unhealthy dependencies and work on overcoming them.

It is entirely possible to be fully committed to someone without being attached to them, and to feel deeply emotionally connected without becoming entirely dependent on them. In fact, if we want to be in a happy, supportive, and loving partnership, it would be much better to focus on loving without attachment.

What are three qualities of an emotionally healthy person? ›

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They're able to cope with life's challenges. They can keep problems in perspective and bounce back from setbacks. They feel good about themselves and have good relationships.

Emotional dependency generates a series of negative emotional consequences: symptoms of anxiety and depression, obsessive thoughts, sleep disorders and abandonment of social relations and leisure.